Heartbreak.

It's long past midnight and I'm just sitting here with so many thoughts running through my head I'm going to explode.

I just need to write down everything I'm feeling.

I got the news that my tour to Europe changed. Instead of it being 11 days to England, France, The Netherlands, Holland and Amsterdam, it's now 6 days in France, Germany, Switzerland and the Alps.

Now don't get me wrong, it'd still be way cool to see those places, but I'm so disappointed about England. And it's 5 days shorter for only $600 less. How does that even work? I want to be there longer. I'm very angry that they can just change it like that and I'm almost entirely convinced that our tour director changed it of her own free will. It's a ridiculous hidden agenda, but whatever. Besides the point.

The worst part about this whole thing is that they didn't keep their promise of us leaving within their three-day window of the 18th of June. Now we aren't leaving until the 22nd, which means that not only is the trip going to suck, but I'm going to miss Brayden's farewell. Who even does that? The most important day in the world and I'm going to miss it. This is not a memory you can just get back, or replace.

I tried to just cancel my trip, because it's literally not worth it in any way whatsoever now, but I'd only get $1300 out of the $4000 back. Awesome. NEVER go on a tour with EF, it's probably been the worst experience of my life.

So we tried to change the tour. My mom was on my side for a while and I was so grateful for her doing everything she could to fix this for me. But eventually she gave up and changed her mind too.

I'm all alone in feeling this way and I can't even express the sadness I feel. Even now while I'm typing this, tears are streaming down my face. I've cried myself to sleep every night over this for the past two weeks.

I'm not looking for empathy, and maybe you think I'm just being dramatic, but I've never been so heartbroken over anything. No one understands, and probably no one ever will, but it's such a big deal to me. I worked over a month straight in total hours in 2012, just to be able to pay for this trip. So much time and energy, and a lot of money that I didn't spend, all because I was excited about this perfect adventure that's turned into nothing but a nightmare. I don't even want to go anymore.

Somebody fix it.... I just don't understand....

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

This song is on replay and replay right now, because it's perfect for the situation. Please just let it get better.